to shower or not to shower…


Today is a duvet day, a can’t be bothered to shower, its 11am and Im still fiddling about with facebook and games, a flat, turn off the phone, don’t want to talk, where’s the chocolate sort of day.
Two steps forward and three back is how it feels at the moment. I realise how I can get knocked back into anxiety and low mood with a difficult phone call, someone else’s expectations or a meeting about work that brings me down. I know I’m wobbly when walking round the supermarket is a challenge, when I’d like to hide behind my sunglasses and when getting dressed is too much effort.
I’ve learnt, like many, that making the effort, putting on the face and the earrings helps. Today I skipped the shower ( saving water and Im not that dirty is my excuse,) but I ironed my trousers, put on a cheerful top and stuck the earrings in. I’ve stripped the bed and put a wash on. The house is quiet and the silence soothes me.
There are things I could do that would help. Im trying to separate could from should. Should is guilt filled expectation, my inner critical parent who nags and undermines, constantly telling me I’m just not good enough. Well who needs that?!
I have some thinking to do, a quiet mediatative sort of day might help with that, but only if I can avoid distracting myself with mindless fiddling. There is a sort of rythymn to listen to in this, a pattern underneath, a whisper of knowing


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