The beat of a butterfly’s wing

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 A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step – Lao-tzu

This week a miracle happened. Someone dear to me took a small step into the big world of outside of their own room. A small step with ripples of consequences.  I don’t know understand the whole complex world of chaos theory but the image of a butterfly flapping its wings and a tornado happening in Texas resonates. The butterflies wings beating cause a shift in the atmosphere that may not have happened otherwise, so depending on the starting point one small, apparently insignificant event may cause an unexpected response elsewhere.

Making a decision to shift position has ramifications. Just making on small step changes the course of events and lives. Recently I made the decision to change my working hours. After a year of dark depression and ill-health a change was on the cards. The decision in itself produced changes. The atmosphere lightened at home as the weight of my anxiety floated away. In a short time since the effects have spiralled out.

I am seeing how what I focus on grows in real life, not just as words on a page. My energy was turned inward as I battled to survive and crawl through the undergrowth of depression and anxiety coming from being in the wrong job in the wrong place for too long. My misplaced determination to not be beaten and to do a good job kept me struggling on, ignoring every message from my screaming brain ad body. Enough already, stop!

Now my energy is turned to living. To other people, to the world outside of myself, I am walking, swimming, shopping and cooking. Writing, taking photographs and creating. I am loving and laughing and walking the dog. I am working and loving my job all over again in a different way, I can give again because I am able to have time for myself. Being present. Being me.

And the butterfly effect goes on. Less tension means less arguments. More time at home means the house runs more smoothly. Less money means some compromises, but the bills will be paid and our quality of life is priceless.

Oh and by the way these things don’t just happen in isolation. I got support, love and understanding. My brilliant family have stood alongside me and taken this on. Kudos.

So when I see the butterflies beginning to appear in the garden, when I sense the touch of their wings on my face and hear the rumble of thunder in the summer nights, I know that for every little change we make more are on the way.

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6 responses »

  1. I also loved your photos. Is the strip one at the top of your blog your garden?
    I have an apple tree in blossom too. I must take a photo before it turns into apples.
    I have much gardening to do today; weeding and planting and more grass cutting but it is a beautiful day so I can’t wait to get out there.

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