I am dealing with Mum’s affairs. For many people this happens after their parent had died, but Mum is still here. She is settled and happy most of the time, but no longer able to manage to deal with everyday matters.
For me this is the start of sifting through a lifetime of accumulated posessions and memories. What to keep, sell, give away? It feels odd to do this without being able to discuss it with mum, but it would only confuse and distress her.
Today I made an appointment with the bank and some estate/letting agents. Suddenly I feel very grown up. The change of roles has happened inexorably over the last year. She is still my mum, but I feel like the adult. There are times when I want my mum like a child but there is no-one there.
Being with mum now means taking care of her, attending to her physical needs, spending every moment in focusing on her so she stays calm and happy.
Don’t get me wrong. I am happy to do these things for her. And I am glad to be the one who takes care of her affairs. I know what her wishes are and what she would want.
But there are poignant moments every day. Yesterday a little envelope of baby photos, one of my boys 20+ years ago and mum looking so happy and young.
Today letters from her first teaching job in the 1940’s.
Tomorrow is another day and there will be new discoveries of old treasures.
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