Wanted: One big fat creamcake

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Generally speaking there are only two things that make me want to have a big fat cream cake, one is that I haven’t had enough of the right sort of food over the last day or so, and the other is emotional satisfaction/comfort eating. I am pretty good at knowing when the first is true and keeping a journal can really help there. Hmm what went wrong? Oh yeah, skipped lunch or had it late, didn’t eat enough protein/brown things/veggies. It all stacks up nicely.

But the emotional stuff. Woo. That’s a doozy.

So today I had some bad news. Well not really bad, but sort of disappointing/sad/leaves me with a whole lot of other questions to ask/things to sort out/ sort of news. And pretty much straight away I started thinking I could really eat a great big fat cake with cream and strawberries on the top.

Now the really good thing about today is that I can’t use the car so that stopped me from heading straight into self destruct/unconscious/I am having it now behaviour.

But I don’t think I would’ve gone there anyway. I really like the fact that as long as I’m sticking to this way of eating that works ie. no sugar, enough protein, complex carbs and plenty of veggies my ability to resist those cravings is pretty good. So a solid lunch of leftover chicken, new potatoes and salad and a snack this afternoon of walnuts and an apple and I’m ok.

But it interests me. A lot. I have spent a lot of my life doing emotional eating. It seemed like a good mechanism for dealing with uncomfortable feelings. Feel=eat=feel less then Feel fat=low self esteem=low mood=feel bad=eat=feel less. You know the cycle maybe. Not doing sugar lightens things up. I got clearer. Sometimes that is uncomfortable but mostly its ok. Feelings don’t kill you. They pass. And guess what? Feelings feel a lot worse when they are stuffed and numbed and distorted by sugar.

Even better for a walk with the dog. We saw swallows swooping up and down around us, their bluey-purple backs catching the sunlight. Too fast to catch with the camera but I took one or two of them where you can just make out their swooping shape if you look closely ( take your specs off/put them on).   

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4 responses »

  1. Yes I can identify with all of that. I’d add that half an hour after the creamcake I used to feel physically really bad just to add to the emotional downer. Glad those days are over. J x

  2. I think another aspect to this is that feeling bad for eating sugar / bingeing etc, is such a familiar feeling. I can find solace in the comfort of familiar negative feelings, and know that I have often eaten over other negative feelings because they are unfamiliar, scary, can’t so easily be contained. Whereas I KNOW how I feel about eating sugar – and there’s a comfort in that immense discomfort. Does thank make sense?

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