This made me smile in the new Liverpool Museum. On a grey, rainy end of December the happy life-size postcard figures looking out across the Mersey remind me of sunny days. The warmth on this day came from fun with friends, laughter and putting the world to rights over lunch and a cuppa.
Just before Christmas we went shopping for a coat . I’ve been having lustful thoughts about the fake fur jackets that are all the rage this year. It channels my inner slut most beautifully. Over the last year and only with the help of a 12 step programme, I have lost 117 lbs taking me from over 315 to a relatively slender 198. Although I still have some way to go to be at a healthy body weight, it appears actually within the realm of possibility. I am starting to like what I see in the mirror. Shopping for clothes is becoming a joy rather than a traumatic exercise. For a while I didn’t buy much. As the weight dropped off clothes got looser and I moved through the sizes in my wardrobe, in the loft and hidden in drawers. Now I am finally having to buy new. Sometimes I hit the charity shops where recently I have acquired some bargains along with a sense of excitement.
But today was special. The coat was going to be my Christmas present from my nearest and dearest. I tried a couple on. I landed on a gorgeous silky mink brown and was thrilled when I put it on. First I went straight for the Large. XXL was the biggest size. It was, well, roomy. I picked up the medium. I was a bit nervous. I didn’t want to try something that was too small, I’ve had too many experiences of feeling humiliated and hot and bothered in dressing rooms. It fitted. I had to try it on twice to be sure.
This feels like a miracle.
When you lose a lot of weight it’s hard to trust the process. It feels quite dangerous to believe that you will stay this slim.
Only one day at a time will see me through.
Driving through the rain on Boxing Day with Sandy Denny and Fairport Convention playing on the CD. The world is sepia toned today, the trees have lost their leaves and water lies on the fields and roads.
The beach at Prestatyn in North Wales is alive with seagulls and white capped waves. Children on scooters from Santa go ahead of familes as we shake of the excesses of yesterday. A couple jog up the promenade and a boy is completely absorbed as he digs in the sand as we walk past.