Things that get in my way my being fat:
Walking is harder, getting out of breath, achy joints and stiffness
Going to public toilets can be a squeeze
At a hotel spa in January this year the showers were so tight that I couldn’t get in and shut the door
I worry if I will break chairs when I sit on them or if they creak I imagine it must be because Im fat rather than the chair is wonky
Clothes are harder to find ie ones that I love
I think people are looking at me disapprovingly or with disgust
I don’t want to be ‘the fat one’ in a group
Going to the Dr usually means a comment about my weight
Being a fat child has painful memories
There are some things its genuinely hard or impossible to do as a fat person : horse riding, wearing a wet-suit and scuba diving, going on things that have a weight limit like hot air balloon rides or hang-gliding. And yes, I do want to do them. All of them
Cuddling up is more difficult
It is hard work carrying extra weight around – so I have less energy
I waddle when I walk
I lost my waist somewhere
It makes me feel older than I am
I sweat more and in more places than I care to mention
And now for the benefits :
I am genuinely going to think about this and see what I can come up with. Hmmmm. Nope. Sorry. Can’t come up with them. Using Mum as a way to get all the air out of the air beds when camping just doesnt make it into there. But it did make us laugh.
Having acknowledged the role that being fat has played and waved it goodbye I was thinking today just how much my absolute No 1 Top Priority for losing weight this year has become Health. Yes there are probably a million benefits to losing the weight and already I am seeing some of those with 2.5 stone off. I know that feeling better in myself, and looking better are happy moments but the health card just trumps the rest, hands down, no question. I guess hitting the 50’s plus makes a difference and the fact that this year I had a serious health complication which scared the everything out of me and made me realise that the time had come to stop pissing around and just deal with it!
Now some of that list up above are things that can be managed whatever size you are. And I am all for that. So there is no need to feel crap in your clothes, there are good plus size things out there and you deserve to look fab and feel great, whatever your size. I think there is sometimes the tendency to almost punish ourselves further for being fat. Gok Wan can show us in 10 minutes how to Look Good Naked with curves or without.
And there is no law against scuba diving or swimming while fat. Swimming I can do. Yes it can feel uncomfortable to be the fat girl at the pool or beach but I can do it and enjoy myself. I don’t feel that my whole self-confidence or self-esteem is based on my size BUT and it is a big but, everything about being fat makes sports more of a faff. Getting the gear, finding somewhere where you can do whatever it is best. A few years ago at an event with a group of friends thinking about sugar sensitivity someone organised a horse ride for an afternoon. This was in New Mexico where we were staying so it was a pretty awesome opportunity. But when it came to going we had to say what we weighed, gulp. Got that over with, only to be told I was several pounds over the weight that the horses could comfortably carry. Now I was told this very kindly and sensitively, it wasnt a public humiliation or anything but I was devastated. And it really made me think. Although not enough to lose the weight LOL. But now that remains one of my ambitions. I want to be on that ride, or one like it. Trekking in the mountains in Albuquerque, and with the horse being gald to have me!
Whilst writing this blog I stumbled across this one on fat girls and surfing, Fantastic!! here
I have got pretty good over the years at dealing with fat-ist comments. I can hold my own thank you very much, make a joke in advance or deal with the Dr. But I don’t want to have to do that any more. I will support to my dying day women’s right not to conform to stereotypical images of beauty and acceptable ‘thin-ness’. I will hold out against discrimination against fat or skinny people just as I will against sexism, racism, homophobia and other intolerance. And the politics and economics of diets and fatness are a whole book in themselves. I will not buy into the size 10 or even worse size zero adoration. I will not contribute to the demon of anorexia, she will be defeated. But I will be myself, as I was meant to be.