It found its way into my mouth. I had no intention of eating any. In fact I protested with horror when son 3 suggested I might succumb. I declared myself a sugar free zone (which I was). And at the party I stuck to my plan, no problem.
But the combination of stress and managing everyone else (could this be my inner momma control freak showing her colours?) took its toll. And so did some unhealthy weekend choices.
And the cake went down without touching the sides.
So add that to words with nearest and not so dearest, a bad nights sleep and my inner sugar monster has been on the rampage today. The sad thing is a days worth of sugar can undermine self esteem and strip away confidence ad if I’d put on 4 stone overnight. Bleah.
So what’s to do? Been here and worn the t shirt? Start again tomorrow, one day at a time. I wonder if I’ll ever get off this roller coaster.
Posted from WordPress for Android
Just when you think that your days of summer fairs, cake stalls and tombolas are over another one comes along. Having spent the last twenty-something years at school events I confess to a little sigh of relief to say goodbye to the PTA and the wanton spending at each stall to ensure goodwill or sponsor the next football team jerseys.
But now we have moved on to summer fairs for seniors. The bottle stall was particularly well attended at £1 for 5 goes. More than one elderly gentleman was observed chuckling down the corridor, zimmer frame in one hand and Liebfraumilch in the other.
Mum was particularly keen on the cake stall where a slice of gateau and a milky coffee were soon obtained and enjoyed. After a slow zimmer amble round the other stalls we were told she had had emough, “I want to go back to my room, what shall I do, I don’t have wheels on?”.
We tucked her back up in her chair and left her to sleep and contemplate her new shoes (last weeks crocs) which are a big hit.
Posted from WordPress for Android
Generally speaking there are only two things that make me want to have a big fat cream cake, one is that I haven’t had enough of the right sort of food over the last day or so, and the other is emotional satisfaction/comfort eating. I am pretty good at knowing when the first is true and keeping a journal can really help there. Hmm what went wrong? Oh yeah, skipped lunch or had it late, didn’t eat enough protein/brown things/veggies. It all stacks up nicely.
But the emotional stuff. Woo. That’s a doozy.
So today I had some bad news. Well not really bad, but sort of disappointing/sad/leaves me with a whole lot of other questions to ask/things to sort out/ sort of news. And pretty much straight away I started thinking I could really eat a great big fat cake with cream and strawberries on the top.
Now the really good thing about today is that I can’t use the car so that stopped me from heading straight into self destruct/unconscious/I am having it now behaviour.
But I don’t think I would’ve gone there anyway. I really like the fact that as long as I’m sticking to this way of eating that works ie. no sugar, enough protein, complex carbs and plenty of veggies my ability to resist those cravings is pretty good. So a solid lunch of leftover chicken, new potatoes and salad and a snack this afternoon of walnuts and an apple and I’m ok.
But it interests me. A lot. I have spent a lot of my life doing emotional eating. It seemed like a good mechanism for dealing with uncomfortable feelings. Feel=eat=feel less then Feel fat=low self esteem=low mood=feel bad=eat=feel less. You know the cycle maybe. Not doing sugar lightens things up. I got clearer. Sometimes that is uncomfortable but mostly its ok. Feelings don’t kill you. They pass. And guess what? Feelings feel a lot worse when they are stuffed and numbed and distorted by sugar.
Even better for a walk with the dog. We saw swallows swooping up and down around us, their bluey-purple backs catching the sunlight. Too fast to catch with the camera but I took one or two of them where you can just make out their swooping shape if you look closely ( take your specs off/put them on).